i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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