New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
