Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
