I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so much tequila, so little girl.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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