evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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