Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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