I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize