Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
