They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
