Where did you get a picture of my penis
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
