the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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