I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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