haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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