My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
