i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
