I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Holy shit dude........stairs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
