Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize