Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
