are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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