somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
