Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize