Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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