FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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