i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
