it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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