let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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