just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
