we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
