he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
