I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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