So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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