I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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