is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
