You work out of a Hotel?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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