this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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