I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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