she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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