Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Mom said you looked used
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
