Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
