It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
