My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
