i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
