Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
