Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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