I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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