I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
