I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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