1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
