You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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