cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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