His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
