It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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