I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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