Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
