16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
