My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
