You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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