I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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