hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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