Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize