I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
