Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
