new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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