You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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