thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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