I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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