Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
