so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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