It's Friday. Sex?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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