Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
