he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
