Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
