I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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