the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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