I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
