literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
