Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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