***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Holy shit dude........stairs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
