the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
