The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
