I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
