I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
