I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
